The Scooby Gang

Title: The Scooby Gang

Summary: The Scooby Gang meets Mystery Inc

Author: Mark

Spoilers: None

Disclaimers: I don’t own any of them, I make no profit
from this, and I can only dream that the owners read this
and think “Hey, he’s good, let’s hire him.”

===========================================

The Slayer was just sitting in the easy chair when
Willow walked in. The look on her face said the she was
not happy.

“Hey Buffy, what’s wrong?”

“God, Willow, what’s right?”

“Um, two plus two still equals four.”

Buffy groaned.

“Sorry, bad joke. Really, what’s wrong?”

Buffy stood up and walked to the window. Opening the
drapes, she said “I’ve never told you about my cousin,
have I?”

“No. I didn’t know you had a cousin.”

“That’s because I can’t stand her. She’s an idiot. A
moron. Stupid. Clumsy. She’s always in distress. God,
why do they have to come here?”

“They?”

“She’s bringing her friends. Why here? They’re all
pains in the ass. Well, one of them is ok, but the
others…”

“Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

“People are always comparing us. Everyone thinks we
look alike. It’s like that show my mom watches on Nick At
Night. The one with the twin cousins? We don’t look
alike. Hey! Maybe we can go visit Cordy and Angel!”

“Um, no. They went to Australia on vacation,
remember?”

“Crap. Well, I guess I have to face her then. I so
don’t want to be here.”

“I can help with that. Let’s go to the Magic Box.
Xander wants to show us his new dog.”

“New dog? I thought Xander was allergic to dogs.”

“Not that I know of. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been here, what, seven years and
no one has ever owned a dog or cat. I figured someone
must be allergic. I just assumed it was Xander. I don’t
know why. Speaking of dogs, my cousin and her friends
have one. Just want I need, some huge dog running around
my house.”

“They’re staying here?”

“Yeah. I love her mom. Aunt Darlene asked me if they
could stay here. I guess my cousin told her they had some
mystery to solve in Sunnydale and, naturally, Darlene
called me.”

“Ahh. Sounds like there’s no way out for you. You
coming with me?”

“I guess. I should leave a note, though. I hate to be
rude.”

“You do? Since when?”

Buffy left a note explaining where she was and how to
get there. The two girls walked to the Magic Box. When
they walked in, the rest of the small group was already
there.

“Dawn? I thought you were at Cheryl’s.”

“I was. They wanted to go party, and me, being the
responsible teen that I am, told them I couldn’t go. It
IS Tuesday, after all.”

“Tuesday?”

“Uh huh. Remember – ‘Dawn’s in trouble? Must be
Tuesday.'”

“Oh. Who told?”

Anya came from around the counter. “Told? I didn’t
know it was a secret. I mean, last Tuesday she locked
herself out of the house. The Tuesday before that her
little friend’s car broke down. The Tuesday before that
she was bitten by that Hroksher demon. The Tues-”

“Ok, thanks Anya.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Hey Willow, Buffy.” Xander came out of the training
room with a great dane following.

“Wow,” was all the Buffy could say.

Willow walked over and scratched the big dog behind the
ears. “He’s beautiful.”

“Bitch.”

Everyone turned and looked at Anya. “Bitch. It’s not
a he, it’s a she. A female dog, a bitch. Good grief.”

Buffy looked back at Xander. “What’s her name?’

“Roxy. She just looks like a Roxy. She’s great, watch
this.” He held his hand in the air and snapped twice.
The dog turned in circles twice and sat down. Xander gave
a two tone whistle through his teeth and the dog jumped
into the air, then played dead. “Watch this, this is my
favorite.” He walked around the counter, stood next to
Dawn, and asked Anya to take the dog into the training
room. When they were out of site, Xander said “Ghost!”
Without warning, the dog bound from the training room,
lept the counter, and knocked Dawn down. She
ceremoniously sat on top of Dawn while Xander laughed.

While the group was laughing and talking about what a
great friend Xander had found, they were interrupted by a
masculine voice.

“Did I hear someone say ghost?”

The slayer and her friends turned to see a tall blonde
man wearing a white sweater, red ascot, and blue bell
bottoms standing in the door. Behind him, there were
other people trying to get in.

“Fred, move!” He was jostled aside and three more
people walked in, followed by a dog. Another great dane.
The dog promptly walked to Roxy and started sniffing at
her. The small girl that had pushed Fred aside walked
over to Willow and introduced herself.

“Hi, I’m Velma.” She pointed to the scraggly looking
fellow standing next to Fred. “That’s Shaggy.”

By this time everyone had fallen deafly quiet. Velma’s
introduction had fallen on deaf ears. They were staring
at the young woman wearing the purple blouse and skirt.
They were staring at Buffy. Only she was wearing a long
red wig. Then they heard the real Buffy talking.

“Hi, cousin. Welcome to Sunnydale. Now, please, get
Scooby’s nose out of Roxy’s ass.

———————-

Having recovered from the shock of meeting the famous
Mystery Inc, Buffy’s Scoobies bombarded her with questions
about the REAL Scooby Gang.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Do you think Scooby would play stud wth Roxy?”

“Do you think we can go to jail for using their name?
I mean, I never could figure out why you started calling
us the Scoobies.”

“That Shaggy’s cute. Think he would go out with me?”

The questions stopped and everyone looked at Anya.

“What? I just asked.”

Shaggy, trying not to listen to his growling stomach,
spoke up. “Like, yeah man, er, chick, I’d go out with
you. Can you, like, take me somewhere to eat? And fast?”

“Reah, fast!”

Everyone ignored Shaggy and his canine friend.

Buffy walked over to Daphne. “Well, Red-”

“Ahem!”

Buffy turned back to Willow. “Sorry, Wil. Childhood
nickname and stuff.” She turned back to Daphne. “Care to
tell me why you’re here and how long you guys are
staying?”

Right then, Dawn walked in. She ran up to Shaggy and
gave him a hug before kneeling down and throwing her arms
around Scooby.

“Ri Rawn!”

“Scooby! I missed you guys! What’re you doing here?
How long are you staying? Is that your girlfriend?”

“Ri rissed you. Rolving a rystery. Ril it’s rolved.
Ro, rever reen her refore.”

Anya raised her hand. “I never could understand that
dog. What did he just say?”

Buffy sighed. She hated this. “He just answered the
questions that my favorite cousin here doesn’t seem to
have the anseers to. He missed Dawn, they’re solving a
mystery, they’ll be here until they solve it, and no, he’s
never seen Roxy refo-before.”

“Oh. Of course, he did.”

Velma stepped in between Daphne and her look-alike
cousing. “Buffy, she would have told you what you wanted
to know if Scooby hadn’t answered first. I know you don’t
like us, but we had to come. Would you not slay just
because someone didn’t like you? Jenkies! Get over it
already! It happened eight years ago.”

Fred cleared his throat. “Seven years, nine months,
one week, and three days ago.”

Now everyone turned to stare at Fred.

“What? Where is it written that Velma is the smart
one? Who says she has to have ALL the answers?”

Buffy held out a hand, palm out, as if to say talk to
the hand. “Whatever. Look, all I want to know is how
long you’re staying. I need to make sure there are enough
bed sheets and food for all of us.”

“Rall of rus?”

“Yes, Scooby, all of you.”

Anya butted in again. “Um, am I the only one that
finds it odd that this dog can talk? I’ve always been a
little creeped out by it.”

“Hey, An, why don’t you take Roxy for a walk?”

“Xander, are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Emphatically yes!”

“Ran I rum?”

“What did he say?”

Buffy sighed again. Scooby wasn’t bad, but everytime
she saw him, she ended up translaitng for someone. “He
wants to know if he can go with you and Roxy.”

“Oh. I guess. But no butt sniffing.”

“Rokay.”

“Hey! I understood that one!”

On their way out the door, Anya turned back. “Shaggy?
Would you care to come? We can stop for a bite. Besides,
I need someone to tell me what he’s saying,” she said,
pointing at the super sleuth dog.

When the foursome were out of site, Buffy turned back
to Velma.

“I’ll get over it when I’m good and ready. It’s her I
don’t like, not you, not blondie here, and definitely not
Shag and Scoob. Just Daphne.”

“Look, Buffy,” Daphne said, “I told you I was sorry. I
really don’t know what else to do or say. We used to be
such good friends. Please forgive me already.”

The slayer was moved for just a moment as she remember
when she and her cousin had spent so much time together,
confusing people with their looks. Then she hardened her
resolve. “Forgive? Maybe, but I can’t forget it. I’m
sorry. I’ll talk to you guys later. I need to go buy
something for supper.”

With that, she stormed out the front door.

Xander and Dawn looked at each other. Xander opened
his mouth to ask a question, but Dawn answered him before
he could ask. “I don’t know. She never told me. They
won’t tell me either,” she said, nodding her head in the
direction of Fred, Velma, and Daphne.

She walked over to her cousin and hugged her. “I love
you, Daphne. She does, too. She’ll come around.”

Xander asked his question, in spite of Dawn’s answer.
“Why is she so mad?”

Fred offered up his opinion. “Well, Xander is it?
It’s n ot our place to say. I think that’s part of the
problem. Buffy doesn’t want anyone else to know. She has
to be willing to talk about it before she can settle it.”

“Oh, I see.” Pause. “No, I don’t, but that’s ok. I’m
used to it.”

Before anyone could respond, a cold chill ran through
the room. An eerie voice resonated through the building.
“Leave now. This is your only warning!”

———————————————

Before anyone could respond, a cold chill ran through
the room. An eerie voice resonated through the building.
“Leave now. This is your only warning!”

The young people all turned as one to look at the
source of the voice.

“What?” asked Spike. “I just fixed that bloody air
conditioner. May have fixed it too well. Can’t turn it
off. It’s going to get cold in here, so if you can’t take
the chill, get out. Can’t say I never warned you.”

Xander stepped up to the blond vamp and grabbed the
megaphone out of his hands. “Spike! What the hell are
you doing with this?”

“Found it behind some boxes up there,” he answered,
pointing to the loft area. “Whoa! Nice look, Slayer.”
He was the only one who didn’t know he was talking to
Buffy’s look alike cousin.

“Excuse me?” Daphne looked behind herself to see if
Buffy had returned.

It dawned on Spike that it wasn’t his secret mate that
he was talking to. “Bloody hell! You- you’re Daphne!
a-and Velma! And Fred? Fred! The real bleeding Scooby
gang! I watch your show all the time. Where’s Scooby?
And Shaggy for that matter?”

“Spike, shut up. You’re acting like some silly
teenager.”

Spike whirled around to face Dawn. “Dawn, it’s Mystery
Inc! We have real life celebrities here.” He stopped for
a second, as though he just realized something. “Hey…”

Everyone watched as he grabbed a handful of Daphne’s
hair and pulled. The moment it caused her pain, Spike let
go and grabbed his own head. “Christ! I was just
checking! It’s not like I was going to feed on her.”

Daphne reached up to smooth down her hair. “It’s
alright, I guess. I’ve never been molested by a vampire.”

The vampire of topic grinned. “I can show you
molesting. Might be fun.”

Fred stepped between the two. “No thank you, sir. She
doesn’t need to be molested by you. I mean, she doesn’t
need to be molested by anybody. I don’t think molest is
the word we should be using. I think…um…”

“Fondled,” Velma said.

“Fondled,” Fred confirmed.

Xander cleared his throat. “No molesting, no fondling,
no groping, no nothing. Look guys, it’s time to close up.
I’ve got everything put away. You ready to go ?”

“We’re ready. Dawn, you can ride up front and show us
how to get to your house.”

Dawn was out the door before anyone could say boo.
Minutes later, the van was full. Anya, Shaggy, Scooby,
and Roxy had returned just as Xander locked the shop door
behind him.

At the Summer’s house, Dawn showed everyone where they
would be sleeping. Daphne and Velma were getting settled
into Willow’s room when Buffy walked in.

“Buffy, are you sure Willow doesn’t mind us sleeping in
here?”

“It’s ok, Velma. She can sleep with me while you’re
here. Listen, I want to tell you guys I’m sorry. I
shouldn’t have blown up like that earlier. It’s not your
fault, Daphne, that they picked you instead of me. I
really wanted to be part of Mystery, Inc. They could only
choose one. You look more like the original Daphne. I
could’ve colored my hair to look like that, but red just
isn’t my color. Anyway, I’m over it. I think. So, if
you guys want to fill me in on why you’re here, we can
give you some help.”

Velma spoke before Daphne could open her mouth.
“Buffy, can you do us a favor? We don’t want the world to
know that she’s not the first Daphne. How would it look
if everyone knew that we lost Daphne to one of those
spooks we always run into?”

“Oh. Makes sense. I guess.”

“We were lucky to run into you and your cousin when we
did. Jenkies, the resemblance between you guys and Daphne
One was incredible. I don’t know what we would have done
if we hadn’t met you. How could we have explained how we
lost her? Thank goodness we bumped into you when we did.”

Daphne, or Daphne Two (we’ll just call her Daphne to
avoid confusion), gave Buffy a hug. “I’m glad you aren’t
mad at me anymore.”

Buffy returned the embrace. “Me, too. So, tell me why
you guys are here.”

“I can answer that.”

The female trio turned to see Fred enter.

“We got an invitation to visit the Ancient Master
Journals before they went public with them. When we got
to the museum in Pasadena, the Journals were gone and Mr
Rendrop was missing.”

“Who’s Mr Rendrop?” the slayer asked.

“He’s the caretaker of the books,” Daphne offered.

Fred continued. “We did some investigating and
discovered that Sunnydale was the last place he was seen.”

“Ok. So, we need to find Mr Rendrop?”

“That’s about it.”

“Can it wait until tomorrow morning? It’s getting
late, and you really don’t want to be roaming around here
at night.”

“Oh, it’s ok. We aren’t afraid of the dark.”

“Um, neither are the vampires.”

Fred laughed. “You believe in vampires?”

Spike walked in just about that point. “You don’t
believe in vampires, mate? With all the monsters and
ghouls you run into, you don’t believe in vampires?”

“No. It always turns out that the spooks we find are
really just the so called bad guy trying to get rich
quick.”

Spike smiled. “Try this on, then.”

Mystery, Inc gasped as Spike’s face transformed into
his demonic persona and back again.

Daphne reached out and touched Spike’s face. “Wow,
cool. So there are vampires!”

Fred went weak in the knees. “I guess that means
monsters are real, too.”

Buffy just sighed. “Dinner’ll be ready in a few
minutes. I’ll meet you guys downstairs.”

When she entered her bedroom, Willow was waiting.
“Buffy? Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah.”

“I was walking by my room. I wasn’t eavesdropping,
really, but I heard something you guys said. What
happened to the first Daphne? The real Daphne?”

“Don’t ask Willow. Don’t ask.”

Back in Willow’s bedroom, three members of Mystery, Inc
were talking to Spike.

“You were all talking about me being a vampire earlier.
Remember? Daphne said ‘I’ve never been molested by a
vampire before.'”

“Well, yeah,” Fred explained, “but we just never
thought you were a REAL vampire. We run into gothic types
who call themselves vampires and all other sorts who call
themselves vampires. Even met one once who actually tried
to bite my neck. But I never thought there were REAL
vampires, the monster type.”

“You have now, Sunshine, you have now. Don’t worry
though, the bleeding US government has seen to it that I
can’t hurt anyone anymore.”

Spike explained his chip while in the other room, Buffy
continued to fend off Willow’s questions…

——————————————-

The next morning, around the breakfast table, Buffy
explained to the famous Mystery, Inc that she had called
Giles the previous evening before going to sleep. When
she was done talking, she had to explain just who Giles
was. While the real Scooby Gang knew Buffy slayed, they
weren’t aware of how exactly slaying was done or how a
slayer lived.

“So, he should be calling sometime today to let me
know if he was able to track down this Mister Rendrop or
the Ancient Master Journals.”

Willow swallowed her bite of cold cereal and spoke
up. “Buffy, I think I’ll call him instead of waiting for
him to call us. I need to ask him a question about the
Pr’toniua Q’lan.”

Everyone looked at her like she was crazy.

“Um, it’s a book. I need to ask him about a book.”

Buffy smiled at her friend. “Sure, go ahead.”

As Willow picked up the phone, Buffy stopped her.
“You have to call his cell phone. He’s not home. He’s
out running around the world on errands for the Council.”

While Willow dialed, Buffy did more explaining,
telling her cousin and friends about the Council.

Willow hung up the phone a few seconds later.
“That’s odd. The message said the number was
unreachable.”

Buffy shrugged it off. “Oh well, we’ll just wait.”

“Raiting frine ry re.”

Shaggy talked around a mouthful of food. “Waiting’s
fine by me, too, Scoob. Like, I can wait all day.”

Velma put her plate in the sink and started washing
the dishes that were sitting in it. “We don’t have to
wait. We can follow up the few leads we have instead of
sitting around all day.”

Everyone finished their breakfast. Once everybody
was showered and dressed, they all climbed into the
Mystery Machine, the Slayer close behind. She turned to
Willow and Dawn. “You guys have Fred’s cell number,
right? Call as soon as you hear from Giles.”

Just then, Xander and Roxy walked up. For those of
you who don’t remember, Roxy is Xander’s new great dane.
He spent a lot of money on her and Anya was none too
pleased. Scooby, however, was quite taken with the
canine. After a bit of discussion, the young Harris and
his faithful friend – Roxy, not Anya – climbed into the
van with the others.

Roughly twenty minutes later, the vehicle stopped in
front of an old warehouse.

“Wouldn’t you know it,” Shaggy commented as they
opened the side door to get out, “we always end up in some
sort of warehouse.”

“Ror shrip.”

Shaggy reached down and scratched Scooby behind the
ears. “Yeah, old buddy. Good thing for us, there’s no
ships around here.”

They all entered the building. After working their
way around a few crates, they heard the warehouse door
slam shut.

In seconds, they were surrounded by vampires. Buffy
pushed everyone but Xander behind some crates. In no time
at all, she and her faithful friend – Xander, not Roxy –
had dusted all the undead. The others climbed out from
behind the crate in time to notice a shadowy figure
running from the corner.

Buffy sprang into action, grabbing the figure and
knocking it to the ground. Everyone gasped as they saw
just who it was that the Slayer had just captured.

“Daphne!”

“What?” the redhead asked from behind them.

“Not you! Daphne one! What are you doing here?
What is this all about?”

Buffy let the fallen girl up. Both dusted themselves
off. The original Daphne started talking.

“I didn’t have anything to do with…with…
vampires?” She started to swoon. Fred stepped close and
held her up.

“Where have you been,” asked Velma.

“I don’t know. I remember running after you guys,
turning a corner, running into something, and waking up
somewhere else. I don’t know where I was. All this time,
I’ve been living in some building. I don’t know who had
me. They made sure I was fed, clothed, taken care of, but
I never saw them. There were other girls there, but they
came and went. I was the only one that stayed
permanently.”

“You don’t remember anything about them?”

“No. I think I was in England or someplace. The
girls talked with that accent they have. Occasionally, I
would hear men talking, but never saw them. They had that
accent, too. And everyone was always talking about
training or fighting. They talked about vampires, but I
thought it was a joke…until I saw what I just saw.”

“How did you get here?”

“I don’t know. I went to bed one night. I woke up
in one of these boxes,” she said, pointing to the crates.
“There was a hammer in the box with me. I just got out a
few minutes ago, when I heard you guys come in. I hid
because I didn’t know who you were at first.” When she
finished speaking, she threw herself into Fred’s arms. “I
missed you guys so much!”

Buffy tapped Daphne One on the shoulder. The girl
turned and saw Buffy and Daphne Two for the first time up
close.

“You replaced me?”

“Well, how would it look? The famous Mystery Inc
loses a member to a ghost? We couldn’t have that,”
offered Fred.

Daphne One pulled away from him. She turned and
walked away from the group.

“Daphne?”

“What,” came from the girl next to Buffy.

“Not you, the other Daphne. Where are you going?”

“Away from here. Apparently I wasn’t that important
to you. I always thought you would come looking for me.
But no, you just replaced me!”

“Are you going to let her go?” Xander stepped in
front of Fred as he spoke. “She’s been gone for how long?
You have to make her know she is important to you guys.”

“Actually,” interrupted Velma, “she wasn’t so
important. She was always getting captured. That’s why
we finally just replaced her. She was always a bit vain.
The new Daphne is just better.”

Original Daphne proved the point by turning back to
the group and calling out to them. “Does anyone have a
mirror? My hair, not to mention my clothes, must be a
mess!”

Buffy sighed. “We need to find out what’s going on.
Where she was, how she ended up back here,in Sunnydale of
all places, now, when you guys were here.”

Velma reached down and started scratching Roxy
behind the ears. “I can answer that.” Everyone gasped as
she grabbed Roxy’s neck and started pulling the skin over
the dog’s ears. The gasps from two of the group
intensified when the mask was pulled away to show who was
in the dog costume.

Someone sputtered. “That’s…that’s…”

————————————————-

Velma reached down and started scratching Roxy behind
the ears. “I can answer that.” Everyone gasped as she
grabbed Roxy’s neck and started pulling the skin over the
dog’s ears. The gasps from two of the group intensified
when the mask was pulled away to show who was in the dog
costume.

Someone sputtered. “That’s…that’s…”

Buffy was the first to spit it out. “GILES!!!”

“What?” the Englishman asked.

“Wh-what are you doing? You’re the big bad behind
all of this? Bringing Mystery Inc to Sunnydale?
Abducting Daphne…the other Daphne? You’d better start
explaining!”

Giles used a costumed paw/hand and removed his
glasses. He reached behind himself and grabbed the tail
to the costume and used it to clean his glasses.

“You see, when I was assigned as your slayer, I did
some studying. I found out what a stubborn, strong headed
person you were and decided I didn’t want to be your
Watcher. It’s not something that I had the option of
declining, though. I found out that you were a big fan of
the real Scooby Gang. I noticed a resemblance between you
and Daphne…er, the other Daphne. I thought that if-if I
was able to remove her, that you might be able to join
them, denying your Slayer heritage. Imagine my utter
dismay when I found out you had an identical cousin.”

The cousins both exclaimed “We are not identical!”

Everyone else present just hemmed and hawed.

Giles continued. “I tried to clue you in to her
whereabouts once I got to know you better. Why do you
think I suggested to you in secret that the Scooby Gang
might be a good nickname? Anyway, I grew quite fond of
you. Came to love you, actually. As far as Daphne…the
other Daphne… is concerned, she isn’t remembering
everything accurately. She was well taken care of. She
loved being there, waited on hand and foot. We tried to
get her to leave more than once. Finally, we had to throw
her in a crate and ship her off. The Council wasn’t going
to let me dedicate anymore of my pay to her keeping.
That’s why I sent her here. I wanted her to run into
Mystery Inc and be reunited. And I would have gotten away
with it, too, if it wasn’t for you damned kids!”

The entire group gasped in shock.

Giles groaned. “Give me a break! This isn’t a
children’s cartoon! People swear everyday! Get over it!
I said damn, and damn I meant!”

“Well,” Xander asked, “what do we do with the G-man?”

Fred told everyone that he thought the police should
be called, naturally.

It was Daphne…er, the other…the original Daphne
who decided. “Guys, no harm, really. I did have a good
time. I didn’t have to work and I was catered to. I only
said it was so horrible because I didn’t want you to know
that I didn’t try to get away. Just let him go.”

In the end, that’s how it was. Giles was released
and went back to England. Daphne…the other Daphne…the
original Daphne went with him, having grown accustomed to
English cuisine. Daphne…Buffy’s cousin, stayed with
Mystery Inc. Our good old group of slayerettes went on
and did what they do.

Xander never got back the large amount of money he
paid for Roxy.

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