Home Intruder

I went to bed about 5:00 this morning. Our windows were open and there was a nice breeze going through. From my side of the bed, I can lay on my left side and look out the window through a space between the window and the curtain. I was thinking about zombie attacks and how we’d be safe in our apartment, up here on the third floor.

 I do that often, think about zombie attacks and the things we’d do. Like breaking through the wall to the adjoining apartment, or through the floor to the apartment beneath us, just so we’d have access to more supplies. I’d totally survive a zombie attack. A real zombie attack, I mean, with slow, stupid zombies, not super zombies that can run and climb and think.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with this story, so I’ll move on.

My thought process changed to wondering how well hidden I was behind the curtain, since it’s dark up here, and the sidewalk is brightly lit. I started thinking about seeing a robbery, and how I’d be able to see the bad guy from here and identify him without his being able to see me.

 At that moment, I thought I heard a door close INSIDE THE APARTMENT! I started trying to remember if I’d locked the door behind me when I came in from my middle of the night trip to WalMart. I had to go buy some peaches because I was craving them badly and the ones I have are mutated, so I needed fresh ones. And again, that has nothing to do with this story…

So, I lifted my head, trying to see in the dark and figure out if I had actually heard someone in the apartment. Our bedroom has a short “hallway” between the room and the doorway. I could see the faint glow of the light from the wii-mote charger in the other room in the hallway, so I knew the bedroom door was open, and I was watching for shadows. After a minute, I figured the wind had knocked something over, and I went back to looking out the window, resuming my zombie train of thought.

A few seconds later, I heard a door close INSIDE THE APARTMENT! I knew for a fact that I hadn’t imagined it. I looked towards the hallway, and THE LIGHT FROM THE CHARGER WAS GONE! My mind went into overdrive. The wind had died down, so it was impossible that the wind had blown it shut! I strained to hear anything, and started debating whether I should wake Kellen up. Then I noticed that I could still see some faint light coming in, so I knew the door must have still been open. Which meant that something OR SOMEONE had unplugged the charger for the wii-mote!

I stared at the hallway, scared to death, not knowing what to do. I love Kellen, but in the case of a home intruder, we’d pretty much be screwed because Kellen would be as useful as I would be.

 So, I’m watching the doorway, praying that if someone is in the apartment, they won’t come in here, and how will I protect Kellen. I desperately wanted to wake him up, but at the same time, I desperately wanted him to sleep through this home invasion.

And then a tall man quickly walked into the room!

SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!

I’ve always imagined that if someone breaks in, I’ll pretend to be asleep until they get close to me, and then I’ll quietly and stealthily attack them.

Now I know differently.

If someone ever breaks in, the first thing I’m going to do when they enter the room is lift my head and shout in fear “JESUS CHRIST!” 

Fortunately for me, the intruder was just Kellen. While I was staring out the window, he got out of bed to go to the bathroom and I didn’t notice. Yes, he’s that quiet and lightweight that he can get out of bed without me feeling it. The door I’d heard was the bathroom door, and the light I thought was the wii-mote charger was actually the bathroom light under the door.

I still have no doubt that I’ll totally kick ass in a zombie attack, but if someone ever breaks into the apartment in the middle of the night, I’m dead meat.

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